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In high school I was a very innocent person.  I had no idea what sex was.  I had no idea how to have sex.  I was afraid of penises.  I liked to pretend that I was very mature in everything that my friends were doing though, or at least what they pretended to be doing.  We had a saying, “whips, chains, and bubble bath.”  We would say that when we were trying to be perverted teenagers.  I felt was so sheltered.  I wanted nothing more than for someone to tell exactly why my body was doing these funny things and what it was that would happen when I’d rub my vagina until I quivered with good, tingly feelings.  I was desperate to know about everything sex-related.  I never had a sex talk with my parents and I was too ashamed to ask any of my friends.

I did not know much of anything until my early 20s.  I was painfully shy.  I couldn’t talk with a guy without setting fire to my face.  Eventually, thanks to one of my very good guy friends, I came around.  He has reminded me more than once that before he dug me out of the trenches I had never smoked a cigarette (not true, I smoked some in high school and college), drank alcohol (again, I did drink before I met him – but not until I was 21.  Although, I never had been drunk before I met him), tried drugs, or had sex.  The funny thing is that he and I have never had sex together or done drugs together (not that I’ve really “done” drugs).

Anyway, yesterday I went to my second Pure Romance party.  I think I’d like to be a consultant – be a voice and teacher to women about the beauty of our bodies and the amaziness that comes along with the clitoris, g-spot, nipples, lips, cocks, and butts.  I’m a little shocked at myself.  Ten years ago I would’ve been like, “what is a dildo, exactly?”  Now I’m like, “I need Mr. Dependable in my life!”

I wouldn’t quit my day job.  I would do this as a hobby.  A weekend job that brings in a little cash and tons of fun.

One of the perks of being a Pure Romance consultant is that you can get discounted tuition to some online college place (can’t remember where) and become a certified sex instructor – ha!  That’s not quite right.  Too much alcohol last night… Something like you’d be certified to teach people about everything related to sex: sex health, sex hygiene, STDs, pregnancy prevention, etc.  That’s right up my alley.  Lol.  So like a sex educator.

I think sex is one of the most under-educated areas in our schools.  Everything sex needs to be talked about.  Preteens and teens need to have a safe place to ask questions.  They need to know the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Too many kids are having babies and dying unnecessarily.

Oh geez, my social worker is showing.  Excuse me while I put her away for a minute…

Really, I’d love to be a consultant that sells flavored lubes (have you tried the Whipped Rainbow Sherbet?!  How about the Hot Buttered Rum?!), sex toys, moiturizers, etc.  I’d love to stand in front of a group of ladies and tell the fantasticness of the products and how they could enhance their relationships or self-time.  And, of course, tell them why lubes are needed and how important women’s health is…  Sex toy extraodinaire and educator.  Sounds like a perfect job for me!

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