I’m not sure if I’ve ever posted about my longing to be a mother. I’m 31, single, have never been married, and do not have children. Of those facts, being childless makes me most sad. Over a year ago I had a conversation with a friend and we agreed that he’d be my sperm donor the next time we got together. The Tuesday before Thanksgiving (which was one day after I had ovulated according to my period tracker app but right in the middle of my “fertile days” according to WebMD) I was in his town. We didn’t revisit our conversation. Before I knew what was going on we were in his bed and I was riding him. And then he was cumming and I had a brief “what the hell are we doing?! There’s no condom!” moment in my head. For over a week I had dreams (like, literal dreams) about finding out that I was pregnant. I poured over my favorite baby names list, refining first and middle name combinations. I thought about how I’d set up the baby area, how I’d break the news to my friends and family.
And then this morning I started my period, three days early.
I was indifferent about it when I first saw that my flow had started. But then I cried. I cried and cried. And I looked at my baby names list and cried. And I text Gage to unload my baby blues.
Really, bringing a child into the world at this point in my life would probably be – unwise. I’m single. I live in a 2 BR apartment with my ex (yes, with my ex). So, there’s just my income and no extra bedroom and certainly no extra money.
But is there really a perfect time for becoming a parent?