Hello. My name is Gizah and I am a self-doubt-aholic.
Maybe the intro should be more like: Hello, my name is Gizah. I am a self-doubter. And you would be too if you were me. Because I am not … anything.
Jerry and I are supposed to be going on a date on Thursday. Jerry doesn’t communicate frequently. My brain is translating that as:
1. Jerry isn’t going to show up for the date.
2. Jerry doesn’t want to go on the date.
3. I don’t blame him for not wanting to go out with me.
4. Why would anyone want to go out with me?
5. I’m a shitty person.
Self-doubt and self-loathing. Ugh!! I’m not a bad person! I ***know*** that! I have a hard time accepting that fact when I’m feeling insecure.
And this is all on me. This is a “me problem”. No one else is saying these things. No one else is insinuating that I’m a shitty person or that I’m not worthy of being with someone. And Jerry hasn’t canceled or indicated that he isn’t coming. It’s an irrational fear that I have and that I have to work out.
I already to Marshall than he and his gf could use the tickets to the show if he doesn’t come. Yes, I like to jump the gun. On everything. Always.