I started dating Alex on May 21st. Wait. Who’s Alex? Where did he come from? Why have you not been keeping us informed?!
Alex and I met on POF. Oh.Em.Gosh. I can’t stand that site! A friend said, “I know 3 people who’ve had success on POF.” Because I HATE the site I naturally restarted my account. Alex was the first and only person I responded to. After getting his number I deleted my POF account again. We text for several days and then went on our first date:
He picked me up at home. He was driving a very nice looking hard top jeep. He opened my door for me. We drove to a sub shop and got salads to go. We planned on going to one city park, then decided on a different one. Neither of us really knew where the 2nd was located and we ended up at a completely different historical park. We sat at a picnic table next to a mossy pond. While we ate a little family of geese waddled by to the pond. After reading we strolled along a walking path. When we reached his jeep again he asked if I was a hugger. I said yes. After the hug he looked at me in… that way. He then asked “is this the awkward moment where we decide if we’re going to kiss?” I said yes. He asked if I wanted to… I said yes (of course).
We had the most romantic date I’ve been on ever.
So as the weeks have progressed we’ve spent lots of time together. Though we’ve only just hit the one month mark, I feel like I’m in love… ❤
Which brings me to the reason for my blog.
I’ve heard so many wise variations of “we’re guaranteed nothing so live fully, don’t leave things unspoken, etc.” I haven’t told my Alex the feeling of love I hold in my heart, the words that are just barely contained in my mouth. I hesitate because I’m not sure if he’s ready to hear the sentiment. And I’m afraid that maybe this is still that new puppy dog kind of love, not that deeper abiding love that conquers happiness and hardships. I’m in love with the man. But what does that love really look like? Does the type of love matter before confessing love?
No perfect time will ever arise to declare love. So is there any point in not sharing that part of my heart? I’m not afraid that he’ll dismiss my words… I guess I’m worried that he’ll feel obligated to reciprocate and I don’t want that. I want genuineness when he decides to tell me that he loves me…
Sigh. Love is a funny thing.