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Good evening, readers.

Tonight’s blog is brought to you by my very own brain’s nonstop worry over things I have zero control over.  Here are two of the biggies:

  1. I will be having surgery in about 3 weeks.
    I went to a gynecology appointment in March to discuss my irregular monthly cycles and heavy bleeding.  I’ve always been a heavy bleeder; however, my cycles have averaged 30 days for years and years.  For about one year now my cycles have ranged from 25 days to 47 days.  I figured a trip to a specialist was needed.  So, at the initial appointment (I usually just see my PCP for paps and whatnot) I described my symptoms and the doctor did not seemed overly concerned and yet scheduled me for a trans-vaginal sonogram.  I had that appointment on Tuesday.  Okay, I have to tell the entire story because why not…

    So, I get to my appointment exactly 15 minutes early, check in at their fancy schmancy self check-in kiosk, and wait to be called back.  The lady who was the doctor’s assistant or whatever (likely nurse or PA) took me back to complete the sonogram.  She had me strip from the waist down and drape a paper cloth over my lap while she asked the basics (allergies, first day of my last period, etc).  She then had me lay back, put my feet in the stirrup thingys.  She then gets the sonogram wand out and slips a condom over the wand giving the already phallic shaped device a more dildo-esque representation.  I scooted my ass all the way to the edge of the table and she inserted the wand into my vagina.  Being the super mature woman I am I thought my thoughts rather than speaking them aloud.  I was thinking, “I wonder if anyone has had an orgasm during this procedure,” and, “I wonder what she’d do if I said something like, ‘yes, right there, don’t stop!’?”  And then I became a little more somber looking at my empty uterus on the screen wondering if I’ll ever have that happy moment of seeing a little blob of a baby for the first time.  After probing me for about 10 minutes and doing various measurements and labeling things, the lady had me push down on the left side of my lower abdomen so she could get a better look of that side, then moved to the right.  The right took longer and included extra measuring and labeling.  I knew she’d found something…

    So this woman takes me back out to the waiting room after I redressed in order for the doctor to review my sonogram and then I would go back and have a chat with him.  About 5 minutes later the same woman (nurse, PA, whatever) comes out, calls my name, takes me back to weigh me, asks me when the first day of my last period was, and acted as though this was the first time she was interacting with me that day!  Strange!  I just played along.  Then the doctor comes in…

    Apparently I have a uterine polyp (a sac-like thing in my uterus) that needs surgically removed.  The doctor assured me that the polyp is “likely” benign, “likely” won’t interfere with my fertility, and “likely” won’t recur.  The information I found on the Mayo Clinic site parroted the doctor, mostly.

    I will have a hysteroscopy (basically a camera that is inserted into the uterus via the vagina and cervix) and the doctor will remove the polyp and perform a D&C.  The procedure is an outpatient surgery and I shouldn’t need much recovery time.

    So, why the worry (getting back to the worry part)?  What if the polyp is pre-cancerous rather than benign?  What if I’m peri-menopausal and I don’t even know it yet?  Polyps occur in peri- and post-menopausal women most frequently.  And what if this is the first sign of infertility for me?  I mean, the research shows that removing polyps actually increases the chances of becoming pregnant; however, what if other problems are present that haven’t been discovered yet?  What if I’m on my monthly at the time my surgery is scheduled for?  Does that impact whether or not the surgery will occur?  What if complications arise and … bad things!!

    Ugh.

  2. I have lost a folder at work that holds confidential information.
    This kept me up for hours last night.  My supervisor does not seem concerned.  I’m very concerned.

    That is all.

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